Well that's alright. Not everyone knows right away, or thinks about it as soon as they see people they're attracted to. It could be a slower and more subtle process.
Girls are fine, yes. I like them too. But there's nothing wrong with liking guys as well, and your ace is a cutie!
[Oikawa loves helping people realize things about themselves! You're not broken, Daichi. You're growing! Oikawa doesn't think this is ridiculous at all and he's not even teasing this time.]
[And Daichi can actually tell the difference. He wouldn't have guessed it from Oikawa, and that's perhaps unfair. He's a Captain too. Aoba Josai's too strong to have picked someone who couldn't reach out to other people
As unorthodox as he is.]
Really??
I mean I know he's attractive
It's just kind of strange to think of dating him? Like a girl?
[Help he doesn't even have the language for this...]
[ He can be a petty shit when he wants to be, but he's also a good Captain and it's not like he thinks badly of anyone at Karasuno. He doesn't mind helping when he can... as long as it doesn't involve Kageyama. ]
He really is. Most of you are, actually. Mr. Refreshing is pretty gorgeous, too. He has the nicest eyes and a smile to die for. But anyway!
Why is it strange? Girl, guy, person. People are just people.
Of course I did! I have to know everything about who I'm up against.
I know, isn't it exciting??
Think of it as less of a change and more of a revelation. Something that was always there, you just hadn't realized it till now. If that's how it is, of course. There's obviously no pressure to like anyone here.
[ Well, you know. Oikawa is more of a jump right in kinda guy. ]
You're having an internal crisis, I know. But it's honestly not that bad! If you're worried about how people will react, just look at me! Everyone loves me!
Yes, is that too much? Fine. An aggressively handsome couple. Does that work better for you? (*＾▽＾)／
Aggressively handsome just means you're super duper handsome. Don't worry, ti doesn't mean either of you are brutes. I already know that much.
Ah, well. Yes. Of course. The thing is, those who needs to know, know. Those who don't.... don't. Or they turn a blind eye to it, whatever. Iwa-chan has been coming over to my house since we were toddlers, so my parents don't ever question it.
Well I'm certainly glad you could talk to me about it! And I hope I could help in some way, more than just confusing you.... which I hope you're not. Acceptance can be hard sometimes, but it will make you feel a hell of a lot better.
Of course! I thought that much was obvious, at least. Don't you see the way his eyes are full of hearts when he looks at me?
[ Which is why he feels like the worlds biggest authority on the subject, though he's learning that even he doesn't know everything. ]
I suppose we just started doing more... coupley things. Different than the rest of our friends. Well, he stays over at my house a lot anyway, but one night we started talking about the future and we realized we both had to have each other in our lives in a much bigger way.
Looking toward the future always puts a lot of things into perspective, I imagine.
[After all, this is only gonna get worse for Daichi.
To hide his own nervous energy, Suga's perched on a swing in the playground section of the park to wait for Daichi, rocking it back and forth by bending and extending his legs without taking his feet off the ground.]
[Top ten useless thoughts to have when your best friend is having a crisis and you're about to destroy his whole world view, #1 - goddamnit he looks so cute right now.
Suga nods, then gestures to the swing beside him.]
Pull up a swing before you hyperventilate, Daichi.
[Daichi collapses into the swing. He's too tall for it, both of them are, knees almost to chests. At least this makes it easier to hunch over. Maybe hyperventilate a little.
Finally, his breathing evens out. He looks at Suga.]
[Suga made one little joke that insinuated she might be interested in Daichi when he wasn't around and she melted down... about as badly as Daichi is now. They're made for each other, aren't they...]
[She's athletic, kind, and works so hard. Came to Karasuno's playoff games. Even gave them the "Good Luck" talisman which is suddenly in a very, very clear light. Groaning, Daichi leans back on the swing. Holding on the to chains.]
Shouldn't Michimiya be the sort of person you'd want to have a crush on you?
You’re not a jerk. You always have so much on your shoulders and you never take any shortcuts, everything gets done the right and responsible way… anyone who likes you is bound to find that admirable, so they won’t begrudge it if you’ve just been too preoccupied to notice.
And it’s not like you just don’t care about people. You’re always considerate and conscientious. One slip should be forgivable.
[Suga’s looking down at the gravel under his feet, expression unusually solemn.]
… are you sure you’d always rather know? I mean, you’ve already had one big shock.
[Except - It doesn't feel responsible. Other people are going through this because of him. Even if Daichi didn't cause it, he wants to do something. They shouldn't have to be alone.
He turns as much as he can on the swing, looking right at Suga.]
Yeah. I'd rather know.
But only if the guy's... Ah, Out? Is that the right way to say it?
[There's a clink of chain, a rattle from the now- empty swings. Firm steps. Then a hand on Sugawara's shoulder. Pulling him back to face Daichi, if it's allowed.
[Suga flinches, but he moves with Daichi’s grip to face him down at last. He’s obviously in the grip of an emotional hurricane but more than anything else, fear is written all over his features.]
Don’t make this more important than it is. What matters is that I care about you and you’ve always known that. The rest… [He shakes his head like he’s trying to preempt the arguments he can see coming.] … it doesn’t need to matter.
Sugawara Koushi. You don't just get to say you have a crush on me and then that it doesn't matter.
[Daichi's gripping the other shoulder now. Brows furrowed, jaw set. The same expression he gets before charging onto the court. Into the jaws of opponents that should swallow Karasuno whole.]
It's okay. Do you hear me?
I don't know how I feel, or if I've got any answers, but it's okay.
[There's the sucker punch. One word sending Daichi's eyes wide, air gone.
But his hands stay fixed on Sugawara's shoulders. It must have been so hard. Trying to keep things up. Always smiling, teasing, looking out for everyone else. Hiding something this strong.]
[Suga can see the same struggle playing out on Daichi’s face now. Something this strong has been dropped right on his shoulders and he has to stand up straight, be the support, without anyone to hold him upright and reassure him that everything is still okay. As much as Suga wishes he could just break down and cry on Daichi’s shoulder, he clings to the same composure that’s gotten him this far because he will not double and triple the weight Daichi now has to carry.]
I know. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough to do this sooner.
And I'm honored you think of me like that. I really am.
[Even if Daichi's still a roil of emotions, he can be sure of that much. Sugawara's not someone who just gives his heart away. Not unless he believes in someone.]
That's better than "flattered." It's less "aw, how nice" and more "I think of you just as highly, even if it's in a different way."
He doesn't deserve it, Suga thinks as bitter disappointment rises in the back of his throat and threatens to choke him. This is such a nice, mature, reasonable result and he hates it all of a sudden. Part of him wants to scream hateful lies at Daichi, drive him away forever, just to give him a reason for all the unearned misery flooding his heart... but he just nods again.]
I, uh... I know everything's okay with us and I'm glad, but I just - I need to not be here with you anymore. Okay? It's just. A lot.
[Is there a fraction too long, before he lets go of Suga?
Daichi couldn't say. It just hurts to see this fallout. Know he's the cause. All that can be done is lessen the damage. He clears his throat. Surprised at the lump in it.]
Just - Please talk with someone. If it's not me.
I'll see you?
[At least tomorrow's Sunday. No school. No practice. With a wave, an attempt at a smile, Daichi turns away. Steps much slower than the arrival.]
[Suga's nodding too energetically now, blinking too rapidly - he's right on the knife-edge of tears. No more indulging Daichi's need to see him reacting normally or his need to react normally anymore. All he can do is turn on his heel and run, hands clamped over his mouth.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
For Serveup
I hadn't thought about it
I've been on dates with girls and it was fine.
And I know you're teasing about Asahi but it doesn't seem completely out of the question?
[Oikawa did you break him? You might have broken him. Daichi's sure this sounds ridiculous.
But no one's asked before.]
no subject
Girls are fine, yes. I like them too. But there's nothing wrong with liking guys as well, and your ace is a cutie!
[Oikawa loves helping people realize things about themselves! You're not broken, Daichi. You're growing! Oikawa doesn't think this is ridiculous at all and he's not even teasing this time.]
no subject
As unorthodox as he is.]
Really??
I mean I know he's attractive
It's just kind of strange to think of dating him? Like a girl?
[Help he doesn't even have the language for this...]
no subject
He really is. Most of you are, actually. Mr. Refreshing is pretty gorgeous, too. He has the nicest eyes and a smile to die for. But anyway!
Why is it strange? Girl, guy, person. People are just people.
no subject
[He's right about Suga, though. Um. That... sure is a line of thought!]
It's strange because until about five minutes ago I would have told you I only liked girls
I get what you mean, but it doesn't feel so easy to change
no subject
I know, isn't it exciting??
Think of it as less of a change and more of a revelation. Something that was always there, you just hadn't realized it till now. If that's how it is, of course. There's obviously no pressure to like anyone here.
I just think you'd make an adorable couple.
no subject
Oh
That does sound more manageable
Adorable????? (o_O)
no subject
You're having an internal crisis, I know. But it's honestly not that bad! If you're worried about how people will react, just look at me! Everyone loves me!
Yes, is that too much? Fine. An aggressively handsome couple. Does that work better for you? (*＾▽＾)／
no subject
Maybe
"Aggressive" isn't a good word for Asahi either...
Didn't you worry about telling people? Your family?
no subject
Ah, well. Yes. Of course. The thing is, those who needs to know, know. Those who don't.... don't. Or they turn a blind eye to it, whatever. Iwa-chan has been coming over to my house since we were toddlers, so my parents don't ever question it.
no subject
As for telling people... There's nothing exactly to tell yet, is there... Better not to panic about it now.]
I see.
I appreciate you sharing this. You're the first person I've talked to about this sort of thing at all.
So him too? You're boyfriends?
no subject
Well I'm certainly glad you could talk to me about it! And I hope I could help in some way, more than just confusing you.... which I hope you're not. Acceptance can be hard sometimes, but it will make you feel a hell of a lot better.
Of course! I thought that much was obvious, at least. Don't you see the way his eyes are full of hearts when he looks at me?
no subject
I must have missed it.
[Erring on the side of diplomacy, here.]
no subject
Yes, that must be it. Well it's newer anyway. It's always been there of course, but we only admitted to each other that it was more, recently.
no subject
Recently?
How did you figure it out???
no subject
I suppose we just started doing more... coupley things. Different than the rest of our friends. Well, he stays over at my house a lot anyway, but one night we started talking about the future and we realized we both had to have each other in our lives in a much bigger way.
Looking toward the future always puts a lot of things into perspective, I imagine.
i'll just move this here to dodge captcha
Yeah, that's probably a good idea
[After all, this is only gonna get worse for Daichi.
To hide his own nervous energy, Suga's perched on a swing in the playground section of the park to wait for Daichi, rocking it back and forth by bending and extending his legs without taking his feet off the ground.]
Bless u
Clearly this has not helped.]
Michimiya???!
no subject
Suga nods, then gestures to the swing beside him.]
Pull up a swing before you hyperventilate, Daichi.
no subject
Finally, his breathing evens out. He looks at Suga.]
Michimiya has a crush on me. You're sure?
no subject
[Suga made one little joke that insinuated she might be interested in Daichi when he wasn't around and she melted down... about as badly as Daichi is now. They're made for each other, aren't they...]
How do you feel about her?
no subject
Honestly... I don't feel happy about it.
[She's athletic, kind, and works so hard. Came to Karasuno's playoff games. Even gave them the "Good Luck" talisman which is suddenly in a very, very clear light. Groaning, Daichi leans back on the swing. Holding on the to chains.]
Shouldn't Michimiya be the sort of person you'd want to have a crush on you?
no subject
… I didn’t do this very well, did I? Sorry.
[And you’re still not done, Suga…]
no subject
[Sighing, Daichi looks up. Clouds roll across a gold sky. It's pretty, for December. They only need their team jackets.]
Geeze. I feel like such a jerk. Just going around like everything's normal when it isn't.
no subject
And it’s not like you just don’t care about people. You’re always considerate and conscientious. One slip should be forgivable.
[Suga’s looking down at the gravel under his feet, expression unusually solemn.]
… are you sure you’d always rather know? I mean, you’ve already had one big shock.
no subject
[Except - It doesn't feel responsible. Other people are going through this because of him. Even if Daichi didn't cause it, he wants to do something. They shouldn't have to be alone.
He turns as much as he can on the swing, looking right at Suga.]
Yeah. I'd rather know.
But only if the guy's... Ah, Out? Is that the right way to say it?
no subject
Suga nods again. Stands up, takes a couple of steps away from the swing. Wraps his arms around himself. Takes a long, steadying breath.
He feels like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking a massive, gaping black void.]
The guy is me.
no subject
So there's no heart attack. No dramatic fall off of the swing.
Only an exhale.]
The guy is you.
Suga... For how long?
no subject
[There’s really no reason to force a smile when it’s so shaky and small, but Suga does almost instinctively. Or maybe protectively.
He doesn’t turn around. If Daichi wants to see the truth in Suga’s face, his eyes, he’ll have to bridge the gap Suga’s placed between them.]
no subject
Otherwise Daichi will complete the circle.]
Suga...
no subject
Don’t make this more important than it is. What matters is that I care about you and you’ve always known that. The rest… [He shakes his head like he’s trying to preempt the arguments he can see coming.] … it doesn’t need to matter.
Thanks for patience with ALL THE EDITS stg
[Daichi's gripping the other shoulder now. Brows furrowed, jaw set. The same expression he gets before charging onto the court. Into the jaws of opponents that should swallow Karasuno whole.]
It's okay. Do you hear me?
I don't know how I feel, or if I've got any answers, but it's okay.
Omg I’m phone tagging so I understand!!
But Daichi wants to know everything.
His chin trembling, Suga looks right into Daichi’s ferocious stare and lets him know the full truth:]
Is it still okay if I’m in love with you?
no subject
But his hands stay fixed on Sugawara's shoulders. It must have been so hard. Trying to keep things up. Always smiling, teasing, looking out for everyone else. Hiding something this strong.]
Y... eah.
Yeah. It's okay.
I'm just sorry you had to be alone with all that.
no subject
I know. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough to do this sooner.
no subject
Thanks.
And I'm honored you think of me like that. I really am.
[Even if Daichi's still a roil of emotions, he can be sure of that much. Sugawara's not someone who just gives his heart away. Not unless he believes in someone.]
no subject
That's better than "flattered." It's less "aw, how nice" and more "I think of you just as highly, even if it's in a different way."
He doesn't deserve it, Suga thinks as bitter disappointment rises in the back of his throat and threatens to choke him. This is such a nice, mature, reasonable result and he hates it all of a sudden. Part of him wants to scream hateful lies at Daichi, drive him away forever, just to give him a reason for all the unearned misery flooding his heart... but he just nods again.]
I, uh... I know everything's okay with us and I'm glad, but I just - I need to not be here with you anymore. Okay? It's just. A lot.
no subject
[Is there a fraction too long, before he lets go of Suga?
Daichi couldn't say. It just hurts to see this fallout. Know he's the cause. All that can be done is lessen the damage. He clears his throat. Surprised at the lump in it.]
Just - Please talk with someone. If it's not me.
I'll see you?
[At least tomorrow's Sunday. No school. No practice. With a wave, an attempt at a smile, Daichi turns away. Steps much slower than the arrival.]
no subject
[Suga's nodding too energetically now, blinking too rapidly - he's right on the knife-edge of tears. No more indulging Daichi's need to see him reacting normally or his need to react normally anymore. All he can do is turn on his heel and run, hands clamped over his mouth.]