[She's athletic, kind, and works so hard. Came to Karasuno's playoff games. Even gave them the "Good Luck" talisman which is suddenly in a very, very clear light. Groaning, Daichi leans back on the swing. Holding on the to chains.]
Shouldn't Michimiya be the sort of person you'd want to have a crush on you?
You’re not a jerk. You always have so much on your shoulders and you never take any shortcuts, everything gets done the right and responsible way… anyone who likes you is bound to find that admirable, so they won’t begrudge it if you’ve just been too preoccupied to notice.
And it’s not like you just don’t care about people. You’re always considerate and conscientious. One slip should be forgivable.
[Suga’s looking down at the gravel under his feet, expression unusually solemn.]
… are you sure you’d always rather know? I mean, you’ve already had one big shock.
[Except - It doesn't feel responsible. Other people are going through this because of him. Even if Daichi didn't cause it, he wants to do something. They shouldn't have to be alone.
He turns as much as he can on the swing, looking right at Suga.]
Yeah. I'd rather know.
But only if the guy's... Ah, Out? Is that the right way to say it?
[There's a clink of chain, a rattle from the now- empty swings. Firm steps. Then a hand on Sugawara's shoulder. Pulling him back to face Daichi, if it's allowed.
[Suga flinches, but he moves with Daichi’s grip to face him down at last. He’s obviously in the grip of an emotional hurricane but more than anything else, fear is written all over his features.]
Don’t make this more important than it is. What matters is that I care about you and you’ve always known that. The rest… [He shakes his head like he’s trying to preempt the arguments he can see coming.] … it doesn’t need to matter.
Sugawara Koushi. You don't just get to say you have a crush on me and then that it doesn't matter.
[Daichi's gripping the other shoulder now. Brows furrowed, jaw set. The same expression he gets before charging onto the court. Into the jaws of opponents that should swallow Karasuno whole.]
It's okay. Do you hear me?
I don't know how I feel, or if I've got any answers, but it's okay.
[There's the sucker punch. One word sending Daichi's eyes wide, air gone.
But his hands stay fixed on Sugawara's shoulders. It must have been so hard. Trying to keep things up. Always smiling, teasing, looking out for everyone else. Hiding something this strong.]
[Suga can see the same struggle playing out on Daichi’s face now. Something this strong has been dropped right on his shoulders and he has to stand up straight, be the support, without anyone to hold him upright and reassure him that everything is still okay. As much as Suga wishes he could just break down and cry on Daichi’s shoulder, he clings to the same composure that’s gotten him this far because he will not double and triple the weight Daichi now has to carry.]
I know. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough to do this sooner.
And I'm honored you think of me like that. I really am.
[Even if Daichi's still a roil of emotions, he can be sure of that much. Sugawara's not someone who just gives his heart away. Not unless he believes in someone.]
That's better than "flattered." It's less "aw, how nice" and more "I think of you just as highly, even if it's in a different way."
He doesn't deserve it, Suga thinks as bitter disappointment rises in the back of his throat and threatens to choke him. This is such a nice, mature, reasonable result and he hates it all of a sudden. Part of him wants to scream hateful lies at Daichi, drive him away forever, just to give him a reason for all the unearned misery flooding his heart... but he just nods again.]
I, uh... I know everything's okay with us and I'm glad, but I just - I need to not be here with you anymore. Okay? It's just. A lot.
[Is there a fraction too long, before he lets go of Suga?
Daichi couldn't say. It just hurts to see this fallout. Know he's the cause. All that can be done is lessen the damage. He clears his throat. Surprised at the lump in it.]
Just - Please talk with someone. If it's not me.
I'll see you?
[At least tomorrow's Sunday. No school. No practice. With a wave, an attempt at a smile, Daichi turns away. Steps much slower than the arrival.]
[Suga's nodding too energetically now, blinking too rapidly - he's right on the knife-edge of tears. No more indulging Daichi's need to see him reacting normally or his need to react normally anymore. All he can do is turn on his heel and run, hands clamped over his mouth.]
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Honestly... I don't feel happy about it.
[She's athletic, kind, and works so hard. Came to Karasuno's playoff games. Even gave them the "Good Luck" talisman which is suddenly in a very, very clear light. Groaning, Daichi leans back on the swing. Holding on the to chains.]
Shouldn't Michimiya be the sort of person you'd want to have a crush on you?
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… I didn’t do this very well, did I? Sorry.
[And you’re still not done, Suga…]
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[Sighing, Daichi looks up. Clouds roll across a gold sky. It's pretty, for December. They only need their team jackets.]
Geeze. I feel like such a jerk. Just going around like everything's normal when it isn't.
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And it’s not like you just don’t care about people. You’re always considerate and conscientious. One slip should be forgivable.
[Suga’s looking down at the gravel under his feet, expression unusually solemn.]
… are you sure you’d always rather know? I mean, you’ve already had one big shock.
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[Except - It doesn't feel responsible. Other people are going through this because of him. Even if Daichi didn't cause it, he wants to do something. They shouldn't have to be alone.
He turns as much as he can on the swing, looking right at Suga.]
Yeah. I'd rather know.
But only if the guy's... Ah, Out? Is that the right way to say it?
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Suga nods again. Stands up, takes a couple of steps away from the swing. Wraps his arms around himself. Takes a long, steadying breath.
He feels like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking a massive, gaping black void.]
The guy is me.
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So there's no heart attack. No dramatic fall off of the swing.
Only an exhale.]
The guy is you.
Suga... For how long?
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[There’s really no reason to force a smile when it’s so shaky and small, but Suga does almost instinctively. Or maybe protectively.
He doesn’t turn around. If Daichi wants to see the truth in Suga’s face, his eyes, he’ll have to bridge the gap Suga’s placed between them.]
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Otherwise Daichi will complete the circle.]
Suga...
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Don’t make this more important than it is. What matters is that I care about you and you’ve always known that. The rest… [He shakes his head like he’s trying to preempt the arguments he can see coming.] … it doesn’t need to matter.
Thanks for patience with ALL THE EDITS stg
[Daichi's gripping the other shoulder now. Brows furrowed, jaw set. The same expression he gets before charging onto the court. Into the jaws of opponents that should swallow Karasuno whole.]
It's okay. Do you hear me?
I don't know how I feel, or if I've got any answers, but it's okay.
Omg I’m phone tagging so I understand!!
But Daichi wants to know everything.
His chin trembling, Suga looks right into Daichi’s ferocious stare and lets him know the full truth:]
Is it still okay if I’m in love with you?
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But his hands stay fixed on Sugawara's shoulders. It must have been so hard. Trying to keep things up. Always smiling, teasing, looking out for everyone else. Hiding something this strong.]
Y... eah.
Yeah. It's okay.
I'm just sorry you had to be alone with all that.
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I know. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough to do this sooner.
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Thanks.
And I'm honored you think of me like that. I really am.
[Even if Daichi's still a roil of emotions, he can be sure of that much. Sugawara's not someone who just gives his heart away. Not unless he believes in someone.]
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That's better than "flattered." It's less "aw, how nice" and more "I think of you just as highly, even if it's in a different way."
He doesn't deserve it, Suga thinks as bitter disappointment rises in the back of his throat and threatens to choke him. This is such a nice, mature, reasonable result and he hates it all of a sudden. Part of him wants to scream hateful lies at Daichi, drive him away forever, just to give him a reason for all the unearned misery flooding his heart... but he just nods again.]
I, uh... I know everything's okay with us and I'm glad, but I just - I need to not be here with you anymore. Okay? It's just. A lot.
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[Is there a fraction too long, before he lets go of Suga?
Daichi couldn't say. It just hurts to see this fallout. Know he's the cause. All that can be done is lessen the damage. He clears his throat. Surprised at the lump in it.]
Just - Please talk with someone. If it's not me.
I'll see you?
[At least tomorrow's Sunday. No school. No practice. With a wave, an attempt at a smile, Daichi turns away. Steps much slower than the arrival.]
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[Suga's nodding too energetically now, blinking too rapidly - he's right on the knife-edge of tears. No more indulging Daichi's need to see him reacting normally or his need to react normally anymore. All he can do is turn on his heel and run, hands clamped over his mouth.]